Open staircases. Designed by people without children. (July 2012)

The open four story circle staircase, categorized by the realtor as “German modern” and later categorized by me as “death trap” after several ass luge tumbles, has now been recategorized by Emily as “urine waterfall”. One two many sippy cups coupled with an intense obligation to finish Toy Story 3 led my sweet 3 year old to have an accident on the top floor, step 5 of the 42 open steps that connect the 4th floor to basement. As I heard her cry for me, unaware of the wave of what can only be described as a pee tsunami, I headed for the stairs thinking the tapping, tickling noise was a broken pearl necklace that she had been playing with. I looked up, mouth agape, about to inquire about whatever issue she was having when the first splatter hit. With cat like reflexes, I grabbed the side of the wall as she seemed to have directly aimed her urethra at the center of the staircase. She hit every step, her second crowning achievement of the day– the first when she mistook my waterproof mascara as lipstick and became Poncho Villa. Ole.