Because…yarg. (May 2014)
Yesterday, while hurrying out of the house to get The Kraken to her doctor’s appointment, I threw my sunglasses on and bustled children and requisite bags, IDs, supplies (milk, lucky charms, diapers, ect) out to the car. It was a bright, beautiful morning, I waved at several neighbors who looked at me funny. As I was backing out, a woman almost T-boned me as she sped through our parking lot. She made some rude gestures, followed me to the stop sign and pulled up next to me. I slowly turned my head to give her a dramatic, “Are you kidding me?” She too looked at me oddly, with an expression I can’t really describe, and drove off. I hit heavy traffic at the gate at Ft. Belvior and decided to throw on some make up. As I pulled down the vanity, I was shocked to see that the left lens of my sunglasses had fallen out. I had no idea! I found it later on the kitchen counter where I originally picked up my sunglasses which means I left the house, loaded the car and drove for 20 minutes like a one-eyed cyborg. Not sure if the lead-foot-asshole in the parking lot was thinking when she saw me- fear of the pirate captaining the USS Flex or remorse for flipping off a one-eyed disabled mother. Regardless, I am due a vacay. And maybe some new sunglasses.

On the plus side, I now know I can simply knock out a lens when I want people to leave me alone.